To understand bullying we should first understand shame 

Shame is the feeling we have when our membership in a group is at risk. The group might be our school, our circle of friends, even our family. 

It is an awful feeling. A feeling that we are being excluded from a group. A feeling that we are less than we thought we were.

Bullying happens when a bully intentionally uses the power of shame to hurt us. The best way to deal with this is to recognize bullying for what it is: weaponized shame, and manage it as we would any other kind of shame.

Beyond Bullying explains the best ways to manage shame, and how to avoid the harm that comes of mismanaging it.